Some thoughts...

Yeah, I know it’s been awhile but here’s the deal- a friend told me about this article and I strongly urge the fluffHeads out there that may be left floating in oblivion with many thoughts unclear to read the following article that was recently published in the Burlington Free Press on November 28, 2005. "How to Disappear Completely" written by Bret Gladstone for The Associated Press, includes direct comments taken from an interview with Trey Anastasio. Read it for yourself, please, http://burlingtonfreepress.com.... But, for now, all that I am able to offer are my own thoughts.
First off, I find Anastasio to be generally honest with his audience. He offers answers to some of the whys that have left me bitter since that sad night on August 15th summer of ‘04.
Some of the points I find most poignant include Anastasio’s comments about our, the fans, reactions towards the breakup. For instance, he speaks about our lack of receptiveness towards the feelings with which he had been dealing with for some time now. He says, "I’ve kind of built my life around having an outlet with the audience, and what’s particularly interesting is this, the audience that I’m so used to having as my emotional outlet was, you know, not so thrilled about all this. So that made it hard for everybody." This is understandable, for me at least, because he is right. I have been feeling apathetic towards him. After all, this is not what I want- I want Phish back. But, obviously, it is not about me... I guess after reading that comment I feel guilty, in a sense, and relieved, as well, that he is aware of my feelings. I feel a sense of guilt because I feel bad for the guy. He is just a regular dude behind that Cheshire grin. But after 20 years, and over 20 billion instants in which the band and the fans have connected in an almost celestial way, it is hard to imagine the four of them as anything less than prophetic.
Which leads into my next point concerning Anastasio’s biblical comparison. He is speaking about his newly released track ‘Invisible’, which he says is directly related to Coventry. The lyric that he refers to specifically is ‘walking on wood, sinking in water’. He mentions the awful sea of plywood that caused me surf through mud and wood rather than just coast along. Nonetheless, he says, "There was mud all over the place and everywhere that the four of us walked they laid down sheets of plywood so we didn’t have to walk on the mud... We were walking on water for 20 years. To some degree. In some people’s eyes. And that’s the oddity, cause nobody does that... sometimes sinking is the best thing that can happen". Here he makes a direct link between the holiness of Jesus and the omniscient band. Now, more than ever, I am able to relate to the pressure and anxiety that they have had to live and perform under. Being compared to God is not something that any regular dude (no matter what he is on) is ready for, and naturally so. With this, I have a better understanding of where he is at . He allows me to empathize with his concerns and doubts of living up to such extensive expectations.
Although, what really strikes a cord (no pun intended) is Anastasio’s confessional comments about the essential reasons as to why Phish suddenly floated away on that velvet sea for ever more. He says, quite mater-of-factly, that it was the drug scene that enveloped the band for however long. He says, "it did get very crazy... Everybody I knew- it was pretty much what people were doing the last four years,". Later, he mentions the hiatus which had many on high alert and says, "we tried to take the hiatus– didn’t do anything,". And then, he brings up the big factor: Coventry. For those that made it to this emotional finale, it was clearly evident that the band was very fucked up. By that I mean, there were times when the band played entire songs out of key, forgot the lyrics, or simply neglected to sing them. I, for one, did not really care. If I were them I might do the same thing– just to get by. Nevertheless, he bluntly states: we had 3,000 people on the guest list at Coventry, that’s how big the backstage was... We had oceans of hangers-on, and it was completely out of control, meanwhile the music was getting worse and worse as far as I’m concerned. The funny things about Coventry itself was that it was just like, All right, you want to see why this is ending? This is it, sort of.
And with that, all I can say is that it is sad to see such talent so far gone. Whether I believe all that he has said to be true is something of a different matter. Regardless of that, this article has taught me a lot about Trey as a human being. Oftentimes, it easy to take others for granted, especially those that give us what we need until the wee hours of the night. And it is important, for me at least, to be respectful and maybe a little more understanding of these four guys because, after all, they were just some college kids in Vermont trying to play music at one point in time...
Take care and remember, please me, have no regrets...